The Heart

Throughout parenting, there have been a few significant points in my life in which I experienced a paradigm shift. The first was with the book, Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman. I realized for the first time that my children should not be brought to church with an expectation to behave and be quiet. Rather, I bring them to my Father, presenting them to Him, and instructing them in participatory worship of Him. I remind them each Sunday, “Pray when we pray. Sing when we sing. This is to love on Jesus. It’s not your time.”

The second shift was visiting my husband’s family out-of-state for a week. I saw my husband’s aunt interact with her children and ours in a gentle yet firm way. I had never seen the two characteristics together--firm and gentle. From that point on, the Lord began to teach me to use consistency and hard work to avoid the emotional parenting to which I had been accustomed. I learned that when I began to get frustrated or angry, it was because I had not parented appropriately earlier. Expecting first-time obedience with respect and cheerfulness (and accepting no less) was a huge step in the right direction.

These seemed to be steps that the Lord has led me to the most recent shift, which was instigated by the book Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. The premise of this book has totally captured my heart in parenting. Rather than behavior modification by addressing the externals, I now attempt to see into the heart and spend the majority of training time there. “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 In this way, many behaviors can be averted by addressing the heart issues first. By recognizing a grumpy heart that can lead to fighting and discord, the child is given a choice to correct their heart before the Lord or suffer the consequences of their poor decisions. Through my life and the child’s life, the number one goal is to glorify God.

I was also captured by this thought from Tedd Tripp’s book,
“Dealing with children in this way avoids giving them a keepable standard so that they feel smug and righteous. They are faced with God’s ways and how much they need the radical, renovating work of Christ.”

I desire to always point them to the path of a deeper intimacy with the Lord. What better way than to instruct their heart!